Some major life news – in which I get much too personal
If you are wondering where I’ve disappeared to and where the heck the words are going, there’s been a major writing interruption. I’m selling the house I lived in for twenty-some years. This is the three-bedroom 1800 square foot place where I raised my kids, various pets, lived a married life, and all of that, and now, ta-dah, I’m moving to a new place.
I’ve been through a lot of personal changes in the last four years since first publishing Choosing Her Alpha. That book had a big impact on my life.
I’m not a real huge fan of change. In fact, although it is a very necessary part of life and maturity, it’s one part of adulthood that I have whined about the most. Change is good, healthy, and important, but it is also painful. While some people embrace it as a liberating life lesson, I kick and scream the entire way through.
Yet, here it is again. Nothing can stop it.
The too personal stuff. Feel free to skip down.
I really never planned to be a person who downsized after the kids moved out of the house, but here I am, doing just that. And here we go, a new challenge and a new adventure. If I’m going to make changes in my life, they are going to be huge changes.
I’ve said before (somewhere,) that I’ve been learning to bring all my aspects together and become a whole person. I kept what I was writing a secret from family, friends, and the communities I moved in since I was ten years old. No more. In this move, I leave behind everyone who knows me, their ideas and their personal judgments, to be the person I am instead of the person they think I should be.
In pursuit of that, I’ve had to set aside friendships and
relationships. It has been so strange. I didn’t think I was that kind of person,
either. I fall-in-love with my friends and have a terrible time ending relationships.
Yet, I will not tolerate judgment or critical toxicity from anyone, not when I’ve
worked hard on myself to be better than that. I’ve always believed people treat
me how I allow them to treat me. And those are things I will never allow.
RANT
My mother, who I thought I had helped during covid by living with her away from my kids, running her errands, making meals, cleaning up, and doing household chores, is no longer speaking to me because my personal choices that do not affect her in any way, shape, or form. Others have stolen from her, abused her generosity, and done all kinds of things that might directly affect her time, energy, anxiety, property, health or safety- and she set all of that aside, still keeping communications open and hoping for the best.
I have not been given the same treatment. Sorry. Yes. I'm still angry. I'm working on it.
But my personal choices, as far as she is concerned, even how I might/or might not vote, and who I spend time with, she has decided she has a right to have her say.
She doesn’t get that right. As her daughter, I never got a say in her choices. Not who she dated, where she moved, or how she spent her money. None of them. Why should I have a right to tell my parent how to live her life? But now, I'm almost 55 years old. She doesn’t get a say in mine, especially when none of my choices affect her life.
It’s sad. And I should feel horrible about losing contact with her during what one assumes is her last years. I do feel sad. But I don’t feel horrible. I won’t.
Have you ever felt guilty for not feeling guilty enough? Angry about a person's perspective of you that you can't change?
I'm working on it. I promise.
These last four years (read this part)
These last four years there have been many changes, shifts in friends and family, and now the biggest, a move. Which means I foresee my next three months being quite the emotional, task driven, daily chore mess of yet another roller-coaster ride.
The goal is to position myself for a better future. It’s a risk, but I know if this change isn’t made, holes dug during the challenges of the last four years will just get too deep to escape.
Am I going to keep writing? Yes. Will it be a while before I’m in a good position to really focus on writing? Yes.
I have always wanted this author thing to be a job. And then when it became a job, I realized it created an entirely new (and unexpected) mindset around the writing. Storytelling for myself and a Wattpad audience of ten is one thing. Generating an income by writing books for a discriminating reader and reviewer audience is another.
Add to that the tangled web of navigating an author community that still struggles to understand the wonderful concept of ‘don’t yuk another’s yum.’
One would think authors embrace all kinds of creativity and free speech and can stand united against anything that would attack those things.
Yep. One would think that.
I still try to write every day, but that doesn’t equal a finished book. Redeeming Her Alpha (STILL in Edits) will have suffered cuts five or six times before it hits kindle unlimited. It’s taken much longer than I thought, and I regret my promises of Spring 2024 so much, but some of that has been out of my control.
Uh. I’m awesome at starting things. Terrible at being consistent. But I will finish what I started out to do.
I’m hoping to have a book out this year. Really, I am. But I’m not going to make that promise after not even coming close to the first promise.
Thanks for your support. Thanks for reading my stuff. I hope
I can meet your expectations with the next words and worlds that make it to the page.
Thanks for listening to my rant.
I appreciate you.
Iso.